On Her Own
by WelshClaire
Summary: One-shot set after the sewer scene in Change, Nikki thinking about Harry's departure, and how different things would be. Slight references/similarities to 'On My Own' from Les Miserables. "Telling herself he hadn't left meant that she'd call him occasionally, only to hear that his number was no longer available."


**I've had a vague idea for this running around in my head for months, if not longer, I've just never been able to get it just right. That was until I saw the film on Friday, and watching Samantha Barks sing On My Own absolutely ruined me (not that I hadn't cried at it before, you understand!), and I came up with this. **

Why they had to do it late at night, she didn't know. She wasn't entirely sure why she'd agreed to go in there at all. She knew exactly what Harry would say if he knew what she'd just done...once he'd mocked her about the stench coming off her, of course. Harry. Just thinking about him made everything better, yet so much worse simultaneously. She always felt better when she was near him, sometimes she'd pretend he was beside her to get her through a long day, a tough case, or even just a meeting with an insufferable SIO. On the other hand, telling herself he hadn't left meant that she'd call him occasionally, only to hear that his number was no longer available, she'd look up from her paperwork to ask him something, only to see his empty seat, an empty desk, a stark reminder of his absence.

She pulled up the collar on her coat as the rain began to fall, her umbrella a good 10 minute walk away in her car. If Harry had still been here, a) he wouldn't have dragged her into a sewer, b) he would have walked her back to her car (partly to make sure she was safe, but also in hope of being invited back to hers to share a bottle of wine – which always happened) and c) he would have given her his coat like a true gentleman to hold over her head so her hair didn't get ruined. She blinked furiously, refusing to allow herself to cry over his departure once more. He had made his decision, and no matter how much she disliked it, she had to accept it. There was nothing she could do to change what had happened. She'd always thought, and suspected he did too, that they would end up together one day so had always played it safe, knowing they would always have each other. Until he left. The stupid bastard left, without barely saying a goodbye, or discussing it with her.

"I've got a new job. It's a great opportunity - they'll make me a Professor. I start in 3 weeks, but I'll have to leave here in 2...it's in America."

She remembered his words exactly, they'd gone out for drinks with Leo after work one day - she knew exactly which day, she doubted she'd ever forget the day or date that he told them about it, and the same for the day he actually left. He'd barely sat down after buying the first round before he'd announced he had some news, and instantly Nikki felt something was wrong. She'd sat in silence after he'd broken the news, swirling her drink in its glass, unable to make eye contact with either him or Leo. She excused herself to the bathroom moments later, the awkward silence not helping her emotions. Leo had asked Harry questions, but Nikki was unable to engage in the conversation, praying that he would surprise them saying it was a joke, but that moment never came. He came looking for her eventually, she feigned tiredness for her absence, before heading back to their table with him, only to head home shortly after.

She walked past couples hurrying home in the rain, happy with each other, together. She knew now that she would never have that with him. If he'd asked, she would've said yes without a second thought. There was no-one else for her but him, much as she'd tried to find someone to take her mind off him. She always ended up thinking of him, no matter which man she was with. No-one was ever as good to her as he was.

She ran through conversations in her head, knowing what he'd say, how he'd react to everything she'd done since he'd gone. She paused, leaning against a railing separating the river and the road. She stared into the water, the moonlight, streetlights and stars glittering back at her. She'd always felt safe with him, even if she was in danger, and now when she was alone, that constant feeling of protection had left her, abandoned her just as he had done.

A sudden clap of thunder drew her from her musings, the rain beginning to fall even harder now. She turned, getting her bearings, before heading onto a side road towards the car park, the pavements shining silver with the rain and light bouncing off them. A tear ran down her cheek as she tugged her coat, pulling it tighter around her, she missed him.

"Do you remember where I parked?" She asked, her eyes roaming around for her car.

"Far left," he replied confidently, pointing towards a corner of the car park.

"Really? I thought it was over there," she said, motioning in the complete opposite direction.

"Definitely wasn't there," he said, placing an arm round her waist. "Come on, over here. I'll buy the drinks all night next time we go out if I'm wrong, deal?"

She smiled at him, leaning into him slightly as they headed in what she hoped was the direction of her car and sure enough after s short walk, there it was. She paused outside it, fumbling for her keys in her coat pocket. As she put them in the lock, she turned to him, ready to tell him just how much she intended on drinking , only to see an empty space, a dark car park, no safety, no Harry, just a stark reminder of how alone she was without him.

**Hope you liked it, you know what to do if so :) **

**The next chapter of Contact is so very nearly finished so WILL be up tomorrow or Friday for all of you waiting for that **

**C x**


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